Slavery preserves the mystery yet controls it.

For a few to live like gods, many must be enslaved?

Am I losing it?

My mind lives with naive ideals (globalism). To maintain my sanity, I must resort to tribalism. Such is a sin to me.

Doing such will slow me down. And I don’t want to be slowed down by even a fraction.

But I may also come to a dead halt if I don’t have companionship. (of any nature)

Companionship being something you can only attain from this tribal-like divided society.

I’m forced to spend loyalty to falsehoods, logical fallacies, and the core of all hurt, lack of understanding.

The cost & benefit analysis has been defined, and it means that I’m going to fuck a lot of you up really badly. I’m going to do something illogical for the sake of keeping a friend. I’m going to reject understanding, and embrace lies. For the sake of keeping a friend.

If dedicated entirely to spreading & preserving truth & happiness, you’ll miss out on your own cake. Become isolated and sink into the madness that burns you to fight against everything you built.

I do not want to go down that path.
This world is far to severed for me to even come close to dedicating myself to truth and logic (even with some investment in actually expressing my own happiness)
I don’t want to become a machine for humanity. I can’t do that. I want to be apart of it to.

“With great power comes great responsibility”
“knowledge is power”
“90% of life is what you do with it”
So if I have this right, the people who say “I can know a lot” are responsible for everything. They know they can learn. That knowledge could save millions.
30 years of my life (career term), and I could give 30 years in addition to every human existing, and every human to ever exist.
If there was a button that you had to press for 10 minutes and in return, you were guaranteed the solution to humanity. Would you press it for 10 minutes?

Let’s increase the demand. Let’s say 1 hour.
Let’s say a solid 24 hours.
Let’s say you had to press it all day for 30 years straight.

When is the cost too much for your own damn sanity? 
When do you say “no, that’s too much to ask of me”?
I was at point where nothing would be too much to ask, but then I fell in love.

In love with the idea of “friends”, “family”, “a mate”… love that will subject me to their closed perception of reality, their falsehoods, their logical fallacies, their inefficiencies. Every nano second I spend with them is 100 million future lives that could have been saved. It’s 1 million light years we could have traveled. It’s 1 trillion loving people I would have had the power to insure existed.

anyway, I already have my answers. I’m done for the night.

So at this point I’m quite sick of it, because I KNOW it has effected me… and I’m afraid I can’t go back.

I simply expect too much from what’s real anymore.

I don’t know how to reverse this… Actually I just figured it out. (get friends… get more social)

Still sucks though. Kinda pisses me off that the population is drowned in a sex/romance fantasy. Who knows, I could be subject to someone’s distinctively high standards…

Very mad right now about this.